Autism Matters
  • Home
  • Training
    • Talks
    • Exploring Being Autistic
  • Blog
  • About
    • Caroline's published articles
  • Services
    • Training and CPD
    • Talks
    • Consultations >
      • Consultation enquiry
      • Consultation confirmation/payment
      • Family consultation confirmation/payment
    • Exploring Being Autistic
    • Employers
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Feedback

The right or wrong thing to say

28/1/2020

1 Comment

 
Like many autistic people I often say the wrong thing.
Interestingly though this happened more often before I knew I'm autistic, and that isn't because I've become more guarded and careful but because I am more able to accept myself as I am, tendency to say the wrong thing and all.

I've often explained autistic difficulties in communication by re conceptualising the idea of TOM (theory of mind) as "intuition of mind") and comparing it with the way we catch a ball.  We catch (or fail to catch) a ball by reacting intuitively, we use our senses to intuit where we need to put our hands to catch the ball. we don't have a "theory of ball" whereby we work out its trajectory and where we should put our hands to catch it.  If operated in this way we'd be too slow to catch the ball however correct our calculations.   Similarly, autistic people don't have the typical intuitive way of inferring what others are thinking, we have to work it out, so we tend to be either slow or clumsy in our efforts to respond to spoken communication.  We often don't, as it were, catch the ball in real time although we might be great at working out on paper movement is required to catch the ball.

Throwing the ball also requires an accurate idea of where it needs to go and how powerful and in what direction the throw needs to be to get it there. Well-meaning autistic people who constantly "say the wrong thing" don't have the intuition of mind required to say the right thing.  We have the ball (a thought in our head something we want to express) but we are unable to see exactly how to get this ball to our intended destination (transmit our ideas in a way that others can understand).

However knowing that I'm not a bad person, I just don't have the information required to "say the right thing" has enabled me to relax and make better use of the information I do have and my essential goodwill.  Or maybe it's just as Krishnamurti says "“If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.”
(I first heard this quote on one of the excellent podcasts of Catherine Ingram.)
1 Comment

    Categories

    All
    Communication
    Diagnosis
    Disability
    Empathy
    Employment
    Language
    Masking
    Neurodiversity
    Non Verbal Communication
    Non-verbal Communication
    Sensory Issues
    Socialising
    Stigma
    Support
    Theory Of Mind
    Therapy
    Women

    Get Updates

    Blog posts in alphabetical order of titles


    Autism -  ordinary or extraordinary?
    
    
    Autistic people can be social


    Autistic women, do we even exist?

    Autism and social skills

    Difference, disability or Gucci diagnosis?

    Context or content?

    Does language affect our attitudes to autism?

    Everybody has an autism spectrum condition

    Is everyone a bit autistic?

    Mild autism?

    Sensory Issues

    The A Word, drama with explicit autism

    To mask, or not to mask, that is the question.

    The S word (stigma)

    What do we do with effective support?

    What you want always wanted to know about autism but were afraid to ask

    Who are the autism experts?

    Who decides if I'm autistic?

    Who or what is TOM and what does he or it have to do with autism?

    Why quicker diagnosis of autism is useful now, but hopefully won’t be needed in future


    Other blogs

    Autism age. Incisive blog by Cos Michael who specailises in autism and aging.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    December 2020
    August 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    September 2018
    August 2018
    April 2018
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    September 2015
    May 2015
    January 2015
    October 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    January 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    July 2013

get updates
Picture